Reflections

With all that has been going on in the last month or so, I've had a lot of time for self-reflection. As pretty much all of you know, I graduated with my bachelor's degree in Law Enforcement about two and a half years ago. Since then, I have been working toward the goal of becoming a police officer, testing for just about any department in the area that I can, and even going down to Springfield last fall.

As most of you know by now, I have accepted a job offer as a police officer for the town of Harwood Heights. It is pretty exciting, because I had not heard from them since I tested for them over a year ago, and then all of a sudden am being whisked through the rest of the testing process. I had my swearing-in Monday night, and it was pretty surreal. I definitely kept wondering if this was real and actually happening.

Looking back over the past two and a half years, it certainly has not been an easy time. Those of you who see me regularly know that I have struggled at times in remaining positive and keeping hope that this would happen. A few times I struggled with a bit of depression, feeling a bit like a failure because I couldn't even get a part-time job. Around anniversaries (one year after graduation, turning 24, two years after graduation), I also felt a little down but managed to power through it.

Sometimes I felt a little pathetic that the only regular routine I had was my workout schedule, but even that has had its positives. I've noticed progress that I've made in yoga, whether it is how long I can hold a pose or being able to go deeper into a pose/go into a more complicated version of that pose. Also, I have made significant progress in my running since I started seriously working on it. My best time for the 1.5 mile run is around 12:52, I've ran a number of 5k races (and won a trophy and medal each), and even completed a 10k race. Some people may think I'm crazy for averaging about two hours a day at the gym, usually six days a week, but I don't. It was something I worked up to over time, and I split my time doing both cardio and weight lifting. I think it has been a good use of all the free time I have. I am proud of the fact the I can do as many sit-ups and run as fast as guys my age have to for the physical test. Also, when we would go on vacation to our condo in Texas, I found ways to make my workout fun. Most mornings I would go run on the beach, and even got up super early a few times to get out and run in time to see the sun come up. Let me tell you, seeing something like that can make even a hard run really fun. Having at least some sort of routine or something to accomplish each day has definitely helped me since I graduated, and sometimes I felt like it was the only thing keeping my sane.

A few lists have even expired without me ever hearing from these towns. Back in February I did have one town contact me and tell me that they would be doing the background check on me. However, I never heard from them after that and then the list was expiring. Since I really wanted to work for this town, I decided to test for them again. At the orientation, I asked one of the commissioners about my situation, and he said that yes I basically have to start all over with them. So I went through with the physical and written tests with them, and was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was one position higher on the new list than last time, even before my extra points for my degree. On Halloween, I came home from trick-or-treating to see that they had delivered the background check forms for me to fill out. Man, did that make me burst out in laughter. It takes a year and a half to hear from them the first time around, and now I hear from them about a month after testing this time around. After consulting with some people on this, I have decided to go through with this, just to have it as a back up in case anything happens.

I cannot thank my friends and family enough for all of the support they have lent me over the past few years. Without the support of my parents, I would definitely have struggled a lot more than I already have, and certainly would not have been living so comfortably. They've also been shoulders to cry on and ears to vent to when I was upset of frustrated over things. My sister has also been marvelously wonderful, taking me out for meals and treating me to movies. These may not seem like big things, but when you're near broke/feeling down, they really can mean a lot. I also wanted to thank my friends and church family for all their prayers and patience. If they haven't heard me talk about it very much, it's mostly because I had a bit of a superstition that talking too much about any progress I'd made with a department might jinx it.

One thing that I find just hilarious is that I finally managed to find a part-time job and then almost immediately. I'll be finishing out the month at Claire's and then have a little bit of time before I start my job and then at the academy. It has been interesting working there. I've gotten to be really good at ear piercings and customer service, but I occasionally get the feeling that I don't quite fit in with the other girls there. My manager expressed to me that she doesn't feel like I have a passion for the store, and maybe it's because I'm not really a retail person. When she talked about having a passion for the store, I did think that I find it kind of hard to be really passionate about jewelry, make-up, and hair accessories when I'm going to be a police officer. At any rate, probably the best thing that I've gotten out of this job is that it has gotten me back into the groove of going to work and having a job after not having anything for so long.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe this was what was best for me, to at least have some time between graduating and getting this job. They always say that we can never know God's plan for us, and it seems like this was his plan for me. I certainly never would have chosen this path, but maybe I just needed this time to mature and gain some perspective. There have been plenty of tears of frustration over the past couple years, but now I know that I am ready for this. I am ready to step up and meet the responsibilities of this job. I am ready to be a police officer.